Reasons Why
by Cheloya
Summary: Cloud gave them a day to decide why they fought. But what exactly were their thoughts? Cloud, Tifa, Barret, Red XIII, Cid, Yuffie, Vincent and Reeve.
1. Apple Core

Disclaimer: Don't own any of the characters or events in FFVII. That's why this is fanfiction.

A/N: Inspired by the events of early Disc III, obviously. An excuse to do some soul-searching, an excuse for shameless fluff, and an attempt to share the sadness I always seem to feel at this stage of the game. Goes like this: Cloud, Tifa, Barret, Red XIII, Cid, Yuffie, Vincent, Reeve. I've saved the longest, and my favourites, for last.

REASONS WHY

Part I: Apple Core

This waiting... this waiting is driving me crazy. Crazier than I am. I just want to go, to fight. Battle is my playground. But I promised them that I would give them a day. A day to deliberate their reasons to stay. A day to clarify for themselves why they were willing to die in the service of the Planet.

I didn't need a day. I had spent the entire journey wondering why, and finding the answers as I went. Now that the time to finish it is upon me, it's all remarkably clear, like the crystalline water of Aeris' final resting place.

She's a reason. Of course she's a reason. I followed her blindly, protected her with all my ability, because it was what I wanted to do. Now I'm going to take revenge for her death, because it's what needs to be done.

Not for her. She wouldn't want revenge; she's too pure for the concept to appeal. It needs to be done because I want him to pay for the pain he's caused to me, and for ending her life that way. She should have died an old granny with twelve kids and fifty grandchildren. Not like that, suddenly severed from life like an apple plucked from a tree. Like one of Midgar's innumerable roaches and the big boot from the sky.

Sarcasm doesn't sit well with me.

Tifa's watching me. I think I know her reasons. She's been trying to tell me ever since this began, those hopeful, hopelessly beautiful eyes following me endlessly. Maybe she'll manage it one day. Long before I do, I'm sure.

Maybe she'll manage it just before we die. That'd be nice, in a weird, macabre sort of way. I wouldn't have any opportunity to screw anything up before we all went to the Lifestream together.

That's a stupid way to think just before a battle. I have to stay focussed. I don't think we have a chance. But for the sake of the Planet... for the sake of everyone on it... for the sake of my memories and the blood on my hands, I have to try.

Those are reasons enough for me.


	2. Soul

A/N: Tifa the Caring. She needs no reasons; she only loves.

Part II: Soul

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There's always something tearing you apart

Always so much longer than you counted on

It hits you so much harder than you thought

But you don't worry, you don't worry

You got Soul

~ Matchbox 20, "Soul"

He didn't wake up once during the night. He spent the entire time cradling me in his sleep, automatically, unthinkingly. I like to think that counts for something.

God knows I didn't need to go anywhere to contemplate a reason. The reason is right in front of me. Or rather, right behind me, with an arm around my waist, and his cheek against my hair.

This is important to him. He's going to reclaim his past, fight for Aeris, for everything he holds dear. And I'm doing the same... I'm fighting for him.

Not only for him. Of course I care about the Planet, but I'm not fighting for it, either. I'm fighting for Barret and his daughter, Marlene. I'm fighting for Red in the hope that he'll live out his astonishingly long life in a world mostly unravaged. I'm fighting for Cid, and for Shera, because I know that if he just gets the chance, he'll know and appreciate what I do already about the relationship he shares with her. I'm fighting for Yuffie, for her pride and her future, and I'm fighting for Vincent and the opportunity to be healed.

It's not selfless, either. It's selfish. I can't be happy while the people around me aren't happy. And I want to be happy so desperately it tears at my heart. So, I'll fight. I'll fight for Zangan, because he believed in me, and he needed that inner fire to be happy. He needed that confidence in his students to be happy, so I'll make him proud. I'll avenge a death for Cloud, I'll save the Planet for Aeris, I'll make sure there's a nice place for Marlene for Barret's sake.

I feel happier knowing that I know these things. I hope everyone else finds a reason for that reason. Happiness is a lot easier to find when you understand why you keep on defying the world and all its Midgars and Shinra Corporations, and Sephiroths.

Happiness is a lot easier to find when you know what it is that makes you happy, and I have happiness right here, at least for a little while. So when he finally stirs, I'll ask him to stay... just a little longer... so that I can have this time with him now as a certainty. The here and now is what matters... and here is where the happiness resides.


	3. The Father Of The Planet

A/N: I don't like Barret. But I certainly can't fault him in his reasoning.

Part III: Father of the Planet

I swallow as I watch her, my baby sleeping there on the bed Elmyra made up for her. It chokes me up, this kind of thing. Sure, I act tough, but put me in a position where I have to think deep thoughts and I'm nothin' but a cryin' slum drunk.

I'm not drunk, though. Marlene doesn't like it if I drink, and I don't like anything that my baby doesn't like.

I know why I'm fighting already - it was always for Marlene, and for her future. So that my baby could have a clean world to live in, and a nice house and a nice garden - all that stuff, y'know? But right now I'm scared. I'm scared of losin' her, and I'm scared of losing myself in this battle.

And it's gonna be hard. I ain't scared of hard work, but I am afraid of dyin' and leaving my baby alone. I always promise her I'm gonna come back safe, and damned if I'm gonna lie to her. I haven't promised her anything yet, though, and I know she's gonna sleep late tomorrow because I stayed up late reading to her as long as I could. We read her whole book of fairy tales.

I think she knows what might happen tomorrow. She's a smart kid, after all. But she still says that the flower lady is coming, and even though I wish that was true, God knows Aeris ain't comin' back.

But I guess we gotta do our best without her. This is our Planet, too, after all. My baby's Planet. I'm not sure I can promise her to her face that I'm gonna come back alive. It's Sephiroth, fer God's sake! I can't promise anything when it comes to that foo', 'cept I'm gonna try my hardest, and he's not gonna win.

I always knew I was too goddamn stubborn fer my own good.

I'm gonna leave Elmyra a note. She can read it to my reason for living in the morning.


	4. Cosmic Guardian

A/N: I don't like Red too much, either. But I guess when you've been experimented on, abandoned a couple of times and dumped with an entire canyon, you don't really care what people think of you. The Guardian Cometh.

Part IV: Cosmic Guardian

It was a hard journey to reach this place, but now that I'm here, I find I do not mind so much. It took a lot of work to get up to my father's statue in the Gi Caves, but now that I am here, I understand my reasons far better. The great warrior Seto seems so much more real when I am standing next to him.

I know he has returned to the Planet... along with Grandfather... and that is enough. That they have both returned, along with my mother.

I am fighting to save these things - preserve the souls and the spirit energy of those that have passed. Because every soul that passes to the Lifestream is far too important to be lost. Because what Sephiroth seeks to do is wrong, and would not only greivously harm the Planet, but would dishonour the souls that have passed before us.

And because it is the right thing to do, for a Guardian. I am meant to protect the people of this canyon. It is my duty. And if that means defeating the most powerful human on the planet, so be it.

Duty calls, Father. I will carry your clip into battle, and I will return.

And Cosmo Canyon will always be safe.


	5. High Hopes

A/N: Something I've been dying to write for quite a long time. *directs Shera/Cid fans this way*

Part V: High Hopes

I've sat here at this table, I've walked around, I've fidgeted, I've yelled at Shera, and I still don't know what the hell I'm doing. I must've smoked a thousand cigarettes by now.

Jesus. Shera's right - if Sephiroth doesn't kill me, this sure will.

Back to Sephiroth. What the hell am I doing? I'm no hero. Just an old pilot with big dreams.

All my dreams were up there with the stars, circling around 'em and taunting me to come and get 'em. I did - I'm not the kind of guy who can resist a challenge, let alone a jibe on my pride. And now... now I've fulfilled all my dreams, sorta. I'm a pilot, I went up into space and flew around in the stars. Now I'm saving the world.

What a @#$%ing joke.

So why am I really here? Spike wants me to answer that, he's @#$%ing crazy. Well, obviously. Bad example. But the point is, I want to fight tomorrow, and I can't even figure out why.

I guess it's because Sephiroth's a challenge. He's made a challenge. Killin'... murdering Aeris like that... that was a challenge to all of AVALANCHE. No one takes away something Cid Highwind cares about and doesn't pay for it tenfold.

Shera just brought me a cup of tea. I didn't even have to ask her for it. Maybe she's finally learning.

What the hell am I saying? Shera's one of the smartest women I know. I'd be dead a hundred times over if it weren't for her. That goddamn number eight tank...

"Thanks."

She blinks at me, like I've never said thankyou before, then smiles shyly. "You're welcome, Captain."

Has she called me Captain every day of my life? How come it never felt so weird before? I pick up the cup - and the saucer. Don't ever say I ain't refined, 'cause I won't take a cup of tea without a goddamn saucer - and walk out to the little yard where my Tiny Bronco used to be. I say used to because we lost it somewhere along the line. Don't ask me how you lose a plane.

It's really dark outside at night without the spotlights at the rocket to light up the whole town. I guess it's nice to be able to see the stars properly for once. It's pretty damn cold, too. Glad I've got the tea.

Shera's ventured out to stand next to me. I guess she figures she's gonna take the cup when I'm done. You know what, she ain't gonna. I'll do the dishes myself tonight. I'd like something to take my mind off what's coming tomorrow.

"What're you doin', Shera? It's freezing out here. Get back inside."

She looks as though she's going to, for a second at least. Then she shakes her head. "Captain... I..."

There's that goddamn word again. "The name's Cid, Shera." Maybe I said that a little too harsh. She doesn't look too happy. I can't think why - if I die tomorrow, she never has to make me another cup of tea as long as she lives. Admittedly, that might not be too long, but... eh, I guess it's the thought that counts.

"All right... Cid..." She's even looking a little bit scared. I cock an eyebrow. I guess I'm a little confused. Sure, I'm a bastard most of the time, but she doesn't have to be scared of me. Not ever. It makes me angry to think of it like that.

She sighs and looks away. "Cid... good luck tomorrow."

I grin, even though thinking about it makes me feel sick. "Yeah. Well, what do I need luck for?"

She smiles sadly. "You're right. You'll be fine."

And just like that, I'm suddenly feeling a whole lot better. "Yeah, you're right."  
"Does that make me right, or you right?" She wondered absently, in true Shera fashion. I turn around and grin at her properly.

"Well I guess that makes us both geniuses."

Shera laughs. It's a nice sound. I don't hear it too much. I live with this woman, and I don't think I hear her laugh more than once a month. That's really sad, and in more than the pathetic sense of the word.

"Well... I just thought I'd come out here and tell you... so you don't do something stupid tomorrow." She murmurs, so softly that I can barely hear her. Then to my surprise, she draws herself up to her full height and looks my straight in the eye for once, instead of simpering. "I just thought I'd tell you that I expect you to come back alive."

I open my mouth to give a smart ass reply, but she ducks forward and grabs me around the neck. I'm not used to this - I nearly drop my empty teacup. She's crying.

"So... so you'd better be careful, Cid, because even if you don't, I love you and I want you to come home tomorrow."

Screw the teacup. It's gone, shattered into a million pieces on the ground. My arms are around her, and damn me if it doesn't feel like I'm flying.

"Hey... hey, it's okay, Shera." She's so short that her head fits just perfectly under my chin. Slowly she stops crying, but she doesn't let go. It doesn't matter - I have no problems if she stays like this for the rest of the night. I'd say that this is a reason, Spike. Wouldn't you?


	6. All Creation

A/N: Reasonably short for my Yuffiemusing. I think you can figure out the chapter heading for yourselves.

Part VI: All Creation

I didn't need to go anywhere to figure out a reason to stay, I just needed desperately to get off that airship. I already had my reasons, and I wore them out on my sleeve as proudly as my Wutaian emblems. My homeland was everything to me - as stupid and dinky and backwards as Wutai was, it was home. All of this - _everything_ - had always been for Wutai; the theft, the quest, the lies and the fighting. There's no one that can ever take Wutai away from me, not even a guy with a five foot sword.

And that's all he is. That's something I need to keep reminding myself, because I'm a genius at the art of self deception. I think I'm better at it than Vinnie, better than Cloud, even. I can buff my confidence up to the point where it outshines the real confidence that's standing right beside it.

It might be fun to go somewhere else, though. Do something else for a little while. Get the hell away from this floating pile of vomit in the making. I'm totally serious - I hate flying. We're gonna fly to the North Crater tomorrow, and I am gonna puke all over Sephiroth, I swear to Leviathan. It's the least he deserves for doing that to Aeris, and for making me have to travel on a goddamn airship.

Airships! Water ships were bad enough.

I wouldn't mind seeing home... but I don't really need to. I spent so much time there that it's all permanently ingrained in my mind: Da Chao, the streams, the pagodas, the pub. And it doesn't matter, because I'm gonna be going back tomorrow anyway - hailed as I should be: Yuffie, Warrior Princess Extraordinaire!

So there's nothing to do but wait. I hate waiting, but I think I can stand it this time around. I'm in no hurry to get back onto the Highwind. I might walk around for a while. A really long while. Do the stuff I can't do while the others around, because they'll think that I'm still a little kid. Blow dandelion fluff. Run up and down and do cartwheels. Shadow box, and climb trees. All the stuff that life is made for that everyone always forgets because it's 'not important'.

But it is important. It's important because it belongs to the children, the essence of creation. And they matter most of all.


	7. My Bloody Valentine

A/N: Vincent. What else can I say? That wallpaper everyone has must've come from somewhere.

Part VII: My Bloody Valentine

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This is the face that stones you cold

This is the moment that needs to breathe

These are the claws that scratch these wounds

This is the pain that never leaves

This is the tongue that whips you down

This is the burden of every man

These are the screams that pierce your skin

This is the voice of silence no more

This is the test of flesh and soul

This is the trap that smells so good

This is the flood that drains these eyes

These are the looks that chill to the bone

These are the fears that swing over head

These are the weights that hold you down

This is the end that will never end

This is the voice of silence no more

~ Metallica, "Some Kind of Monster"

It is cold on the roof of the mansion. The wind whips around me, tossing hair and cloak fitfully, as though Typhoon cannot quite decide in which direction to run. The sky crackles with purple lightning, an unusual colour even for these tainted mountains. Meteor has more of an effect on this Planet than I care for.

I do not need time to find reasons. I need time... away from them. Away from the people whom I have come to care for. I must disentangle myself from them, because I cannot concentrate on battle when I have too many emotions operating at once. Anger, pain, fear... these I can combine and harness on a battlefield. But emotions such as love... I cannot cultivate any advantage from these with the demons I harbour in my soul.

So I have come here, to this place of lonelines and despair at the foot of a deadly mountain. Why? Because it is the closest place I have ever had to a home. Thirty years... that is the longest time I have ever spent in a place. The basement... the coffin... these are resting places. Places that, distasteful as they are, I will return to. This life is not mine, only the twisted animation of my body with the Planet's stolen lifeblood and the consciousness of the demons.

My reasons... I never truly thought about them. My initial reasoning was a burning desire for revenge against Hojo, the man who stole my life. I curl my knees up to my chest and rest my chin upon them. Now, perhaps, I am uncertain of my reasons to continue fighting.

Then again... since I met her, I have been living for Lucrecia. I lied to her... about her son... I lied. Perhaps I go to make that lie truth.

And also...

Hm.

It is difficult to think this, even to myself. After all the hope that AVALANCHE has shown, after all the deeds that they have completed together, it is difficult to be realistic in a situation such as this. I do not think we can win.

That may be why I am returning to the Highwind tomorrow. I cannot survive against Sephiroth. Perhaps it is the Turk in me, wanting to go down fighting. I think not. I believe that out of any reward the Planet could offer, should I ever be deserving of one... an end. I would appreciate an end to this parody of life, to the mocking voices of the demons.

Yes, I hear them. I hear you, night terrors... and I do not care. Tomorrow will be the end of all of this. Perhaps that is why I find the wind so comforting, the lightning so bright tonight.

A means to an end...


	8. Sitting On My Shelf

A/N: And finally... Reeve. Yay!

Part VIII: Sitting On My Shelf

Cait whirrs to life and lets out a disjointed meow. I sigh as his circuits bite my fingers in retaliation to my pliers. He's been damaged. All the fighting he does isn't good for something originally designed to hand out free candy to kids.

"How do you feel, Cait?"

The autopilot whirls the mog's arms ridiculously before the cat opens its mouth. "I feel fine! Meeeow-wow-wow-wo_wwwelcome_ to Gold Saucer!"

I sigh again. "Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm gonna have to turn ya off for a little while, buddy."

"Rogerrreeve!" The mog's eyes dim and the fluffy ears stop twitching. Cait Sith hangs limp, as though I've cut his strings.

"But I'll tie them back together in a little while, okay?" I don't know what it is about engineering that makes you talk to yourself. It's a lonely existance between me and the blueprints, I guess. I gave Cait and his brothers voices because of that, maybe. I don't know.

Cait says Cloud sent him back to think about whether he wanted to fight Sephiroth any more. Nice, for Cloud to give that liberty to a robot. And Cait wants to fight because I do - I gave him that much of myself. I like to make people laugh. I like to see people happy. That was why I made Cait - not as a spy, but as a fortune teller. A moogle and a cat. Things from my childhood. Things that made me laugh.

There's not much to laugh at in Midgar any more. But on bad days at the company, I could hear the carnival music through Cait Sith and listen to the children laughing as he performed a wacky stunt. Yeah, that's the kind of life I lead. I have to spy on kids to listen to laughter.

The life of a Shinra Exec.

So, why do we want to fight, Cait? I'll tell you why. Because this isn't life; this isn't living. Living is way more than this. The people here in the slums - yeah, I live in the slums, too; can't stand to be above the places I grew up in - they don't have a future if I can't give it to them. They don't have lives if I can't get rid of that stupid plate that I designed when I was young and idealistic. Cait and I, we're fighting for the people of Midgar. For the lives, for the homes, for the future of those people.

Just like we've always been.

I flick the switch, enter the code. Cait waves his arms and declares "Mrow!" with far more certainty than last time. The black and white feline adjusts his cape, tips his crown at a jaunty angle and the mog jumps up and down a few times to limber up. Cait throws his hand out with the megaphone tightly gripped in the gloved paw.

"Yeeeah! That's better. Thanks boss."

I smile. I managed to program manners into this one. "No problem, Cait. You'd better get going - gotta get back to the Highwind before Cloud leaves withoutcha."

Cait bounces and spins like a top. "Naw. I got plenty of time before I hafta get back to the ship." His little feline eyes gleam. "Tell your fortune?"

~*~

A/N: The end. :)


End file.
